Culture and You: The Danger of Culturally-Defined Standards and Expectations

   Cultural Relativism is a term that has become prominent in Anthropology.  Put simply, cultural relativism means the actions of an individual are better evaluated and analyzed in the context of the culture in which they live, rather than judging a decision ethnocentrically (by the standards of our culture).  Cultural Relativism is not the same thing as Moral Relativism (good and bad are relative).  Cultural Relativism seeks to understand an individual's decisions as they are informed by the traditions, systems of belief, and influence of the group the individual is a member of.  For example, we can better understand a member of Indian culture being a vegetarian when we understand the cultural connotation attached to eating meat in India.  We are not making a value judgement, simply seeking to understand the rationale behind a decision.  When we take the time to avoid ethnocentrism, we realize how much culture impacts and informs every decision made.

   When we realize the impact culture has on our decision-making, we can see the risk of using cultural rather than biblical standards for making decions.  So often, we, as Followers of Jesus Christ, make decisions and, more subtly, form expectations (and, therefore, decision-making paradigms) based on what culture demands rather than the Will of God.  The sad truth is the extent to which culture has impacted our decision-making.  There are many examples, but one that is sadly very apparent is the cultural influence on our view of relationships and marriage, including our standards and expectations.   Culture, specifically General American Culture, has influenced Believers' standards and expectations for relationships and marriage through film, literature, and public opinion.

   Hollywood films, particularly Romantic Comedies, have changed Believers' expectations and standards for relationships and marriage.  According to boxofficemojo.com, Runaway Bride, The Proposal, and Hitch are among the top 10 grossing Romantic Comedies since 1978.  Each of these popular movies have presented what is the culturally-expected view of relationships and marriage.  These movies are often the "go-to" for a night of idealistic dreaming about relationships and marriage.  Unfortunately, the ideal presented in these movies is far from what God has outlined in His Word.  It appears that the message of these movies is "if you wait long enough, you will meet the One.  The One who will fulfill all of your expectations and move heaven and earth to prove their undying attraction for you."  The problem with this idea is that it is unbiblical.  This way of thinking endorses passivity an encourages the development of unrealistic, selfish expectations that no person could ever fulfill.  The Hollywood Rom-Com paradigm expects the spouse to satisfy every need and desire, the role that can only be filled by the Lord.  Psalm 118:8 says, "It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man" (ESV).  Many single Believers, male and female, have taken refuge in the idea of a human rather than taking refuge and trusting the Lord to satisfy their desires.  When we expect our spouse to do what only the Lord can do, we are setting ourselves and our future spouses up for failure or at least disappointment.  There is only one Prince Charming, and he doesn't do what Disney says He should.

   In recent years, Popular Literature has seen authors such as Nicholas Sparks and Stephenie Meyer attain superstar status using relationships as the fodder for their fiction.  In books like The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks creates characters and stories that have been so widely-read they have made their way to the screen.    These characters physical appearance and actions have spawned facebook groups and groupies devoted to marrying a man just like the ideal.  The ideal whose love will cover all of our sins and meet all of our needs.  We have let fiction exploit our emotions while making the One the idol of our hearts.  If we do not have immediate physical attraction and deep "chemistry," we must not have found our future spouse.  Who can live up to this pressure?  Scripture teaches that marriage is a picture of Christ's love for His imperfect bride and her transformation into a holy body worthy of His love.  We have replaced that image with a consumer-driven mindset of swapping the product if it doesn't meet our expectations.  Praise the Lord, His standard is different than ours.  He would have us found a relationship on His character not ours (just as our relationship with Him is founded).  Christ is the center of any healthy relationship, not attraction or chemistry.

   Film and literature have profoundly affected our culture’s standards and expectations for marriage.  In “You Can’t Marry a Hot Vampire,” Kent Woodyard details the unrealistic expectations created by Meyer’s Twilgiht “Saga.”  Woodyard writes, “The relationships that develop are as insubstantial as the characters themselves. They’re all weepy looks and winsome smiles; all seduction and no substance. Obsession and infatuation are the rule of the day, and the counsel of family and friends is thrown to the wind as three teenagers wax poetic on the importance of eternal love, which, as we know, usually begins in high school.”   It is not only the world who has accepted this model, but also it has been accepted by Believers.  Scott Croft writes, “In our culture — and in many churches — 'attraction,' whether purely physical or ‘chemistry-related,’ is considered the foundational way to evaluate a potential marriage relationship.”  

  As Believers, we are called to be conformed to God’s Will not to Cultural standards.  We are to be analyzers not consumers.  We must look first to the Word not to the world.  At the same time, we should not withdraw.  After all, we are to be “in the world.”  Sometimes, we have a difficult time remembering in and off are different things.

I know this is bound to be controversial (at least the references to specific books and films).  I hope I did the topic justice.  This writing was a little rushed, but I hope what is lacking in style will not detract from the theme.