goals and grace... 2011 and what i hope happens

resolutions? no thank you.  goals? now that's more like it.  at least, that's what i thought.  a few nights ago i went on this goal-writing-rampage.  when the dust settled, i had a 4 page word doc to show what i though a successful year in 2011 would be.  i was going to read a book a week.  i was going to write a ridiculous amount.  i was going to take a certain number or pictures a week.  but, in all of my goal-making, i had the wrong idea.  i'm not out to say that all goals are bad.  i think that some are very necessary.  but, what i had come up with was more of a checklist of accomplishments.  a path to my own version of greatness.  in other words, i had written my own personal version of the law.  and imposing a works-based personal value system in myself is something that i am a little too familiar with.  you see, growing up i lived in a culture where an appearance of good is enough to make you "the good kid."  boy, was i good at it to.  i don't think it was until i got to college that i realized that i was finding my value in what i did.  it didn't stop there.  i judged myself on what i did and what i thought other people thought about me.  the Word says you can't serve two masters (talking about the Lord and money).  well, i was doing my best to serve three: God, others, and me.  i really did want to grow in the Lord, but i also wanted to make sure everyone liked me and thought well of me.  and if i got to be proud of myself or do what i wanted, well, that's good too.  but, it doesn't work this way.  something has to give.  it was in college (really before then, but that's when i first really recognized what God was doing) that God showed me how much i tied my value to what others thought of me.  wether it be how i performed academically or in sports, how i looked, or how spiritual i could be, i was always looking to other people for validation.  for meaning. for purpose.  God reminded me (as he still is doing, obviously) that what others think about doesn't have any significance when it comes to my value.  my value is firmly, deeply entrenched in the person of Jesus Christ.  and i'm beyond thankful for that.  you see, i'm bad.  i hate to shatter any illusions you might have, but i am not "the good kid."  nope.  really, i'm a rebel.  i always have been.  from the time i breathed my first breath right up to this very moment, i am a deeply independent, fiercely self-centered rebel.  and those good things that i tried to do, the very best things i have ever done are nothing but filth in the sight of the Holy One.  as much as i try to be good, to abandon the things that easily ensnare, i fail.  epically.  but.  He.  does.  not.  fail.  my own salvation is not in my hands.  it's up to Him.  praise His Name.  my redemption is not based on any test that i have to attempt.  He fulfilled the requirements.  praise His Name.  my sanctification is not to be attempted in my own power.  He who began this work in me, that is good, will carry it out until it is complete, and i see Him.  praise. His. Name.  He called me out of my rebellion as He still does.  He bore my evil when He died, the one and only eternal sacrifice.  He gave me life when He rose from the dead.  He called me up from the dead on a spring day 17 years ago.  He put new life in me.  He began a work in me.  He is continuing that work in spite of my attempts to show Him how much i can do.  He gently reminds me that i can do absolutely nothing.  He is faithful when i run after momentary pleasures.  He is my hope of glory, when i fall face first.  He picks me up.  He works in me.  He calls me to follow Him.  That is to be my one focus.  and i need to decrease.  i need to remove me so that He can be more.  i can never add worth to my life no matter how hard i try.  you can't make a treasured possession more valuable to one who has already paid the ultimate price to gain it, and you definitely can't buy it away from Him.  so this year, my goal is this: to focus on Jesus Christ.  yes, i will probably go back and take some of the goals that i had written and use them as tools to help me focus on Christ, not as markers of my spirituality or accomplishment.  and if i don't meet them, i will rest in the knowledge that His love and grace cover a multitude of sins and my not reading every single book that i wanted to.  if i meet them, praise His Name.  one of these goals will be to change the way that i think about my actions.  i want to view them not as a measuring stick for who i am, but as a way to sharpen my focus.  i don't want to beat myself up if i don't make them.  i want to run freely towards Him.  i want to be a follower of Christ.  that is my goal.